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I am not sure whether I am pissed, or just irritated. But really, am I being unreasonable right now? Or am I being selfish? What I am feeling now, if I keep denying that - might as well I have no emotions. I just can't afford to say what I really feel because I am thinking of other people's feelings. Of course that it's alright to give in once in a while because that's how relationships with people grow but I'm someone with emotions too so I can't always give in.

This is the first time I've ever let my ego down this much, I certainly think before I speak now - well sometimes not, but I'm still trying. I don't wish to be myself 3-4 years ago, so I'm still trying to change for the better.

Would you appreciate my efforts? Would I be taken for granted? I really do not know.

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I hope whoever's reading this won't judge me - I've finished reading Fifty shades of Grey, and now I'm onto Fifty Shades Darker. I skipped most of the rated scenes though, there's too much of it. I'm starting to like Christian back. He have issues, but he's hmm, charming, i guess - I don't really know what's the right word to use.

I have so many things to do actually, but here I am caught up in reading books. I shall start tomorrow, I really have to. I'm still wondering if I should come PD Prob 15. It doesn't hurt to skip that one problem right? If I skip it, it'll only be my 3rd X - which is an improvement from last year's.

Ok I am really bad at trying to occupy my mind with something else. I can get negative at any time now, goodbye